I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
