Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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