He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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