if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
