I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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