You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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