I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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