so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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