your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
