My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
