3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
