then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
