i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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