i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize