Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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