I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
