My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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