Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
