I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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