I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
