you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
