She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
