i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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