Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
