Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
