I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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