My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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