every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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