I want to have your abortion
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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