Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize