Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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