Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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