I feel great
I just peed on a car
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
