What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
