i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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