Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
