It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
