This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
