WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dignity is for republicans.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
