Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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