just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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