paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize