I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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