some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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