im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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