i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
