does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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