remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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