Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
