He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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