Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can you bring me the toilet please
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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