My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
