The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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