i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
