who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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