oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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