So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
