i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
