I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
