Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
