he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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