How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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