Just fell off a train. Bad.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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