Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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