If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
