im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
