I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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