I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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