Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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