It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
