Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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