Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
