and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
