i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
