And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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