Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
