peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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