..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's never too late to be topless.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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