i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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