sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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