Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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