Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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