they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
