dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
